(I Don’t Wanna) Rock Cliché
To most of us, Spinal Tap remains a masterpiece of tongue-in-cheek satire mercilessly deriding the egotistical and deluded. To others, it is a gritty documentary to be dissected studiously as definitive career guide. So are rock n roll and cliche are intrinsically linked? To test this hypothesis we spoke to Rob Galloway of The Yalla Yallas, to many the human embodiment of rock ‘n’ roll; and to Ric Neale who isn’t.
| Question | Rob Galloway | Score | Ric Neale | Score |
| Have you ever graffiti’d your own name/band logo anywhere? | Yes I wrote YALLA YALLA on my leg and let my mate tattoo over it. Rock n Roll. I once wrote it on a steamed up mirror in my bathroom. | 1 | I’d have to be pretty foolish to start scratching my own name all over venues. Whenever you see blokes’ names written on pub walls they’re usually followed by phone numbers and offers of blow jobs – which is not really what I’m trying to achieve. | 0 |
| Have you ever lost a band member after a fight? | Fatally? No. I had this kid start on me during our set at the HiFi Club. I pulled all the usual "hold me back" faces. He was escorted out by our female fan club. | 0 | Everyone involved in the Ric Neale musical universe is a lover not a fighter. | 0 |
| Has a rock-related injury ever prevented you from doing a gig? | Nope. The show must go on. I’ve even been electrocuted mid set before. I nearly went through the roof. Rock n Roll. | 0 | I once slammed my hand in a car door which made my guitar playing even worse than usual so I had to get a guy to dep for a while. I got very good at playing the accordion with one hand though. | 0 |
| Have you ever stolen another act’s rider? | Yes. The Alarm in London. I wandered into their dressing room, nicked their last beer from the fridge, farted on the bass player’s arm and yelled "New Shoes!" | 1 | I supported the Bay City Rollers once. They weren’t very nice to us so we stole their Pringles – instant karma. | 1 |
| Have you ever played to less people than are in the band? | Not with the band … but what is worse I did fairly regularly when I was solo. I was, and still am, RUBBISH! | 1 | A large percentage of the gigs I’ve done have been solo, so it’d be pretty damning if not even one person turned up. There are usually bar staff and bouncers to push the ratio in my favour. | 0 |
| Have you ever fired a band member half way through a tour? | I managed to sack myself and tell the band that its over in an Axl Rose style strop. I then reformed the band with a new drummer. I don’t know if anyone has told the old drummer yet. | 1 | Even if I had I couldn’t tell you – What happens on the road stays on the road. | 0 |
| Has anyone ever been allowed into the band purely because they have transport? | Yes. His first application was unsuccessful because I didn’t like his old band. His second application was accepted because he had a van. Which he sold before the first rehearsal. | 1 | We don’t need transport; if we can’t carry it on the train we don’t carry it at all. No amps, no drum kits – One of the many benefits of acoustic music. | 0 |
| Have you ever thrown anything out of a hotel window? | No but I am banned from The Hilton in Leeds because I gatecrashed someone’s works party. I drank their free wine and then I wrote my name in sand on the carpet. | 0 | No, but I always nick the sewing kit. | 0 |
| Have you ever given a demo to someone famous? | No. I want to give Lily Allen one though. | 0 | I played guitar for Jason Donovan for a while. He demanded to pay for an album, which was nice considering how much he was paying me to play Stock, Aitkin & Waterman songs to deluded housewives. | 1 |
| Have you ever used your position as a musician to blag something audacious? | Apart from free festival tickets and beer, nothing really. Oh I got a chair from Lewis at Beavercreek Studios. Rock n Roll | 1 | I’m not much of a lothario, but I’ve enjoyed the company of some fine lookin’ ladies who wouldn’t have given me a second look if I was a web designer. | 1 |
| Total | 6 | Total | 3 |
What have we learned? That the spirit of rock n roll is indeed intertwined with entertainingly dumb-assed behaviour, but that acoustic troubadours are more likely to use their soft and sensitive sides to be a hit with the ladies. Which explains the inexplicable popularity of James Blunt. Rock n Rollers throw strops, but are more pleasant than Bay City Rollers. Also, playing alongside Jason Donovan may pain your soul, but is less pain than tattooing your own leg, and pays considerably better. The Yalla Yallas’ single “Retaliation” is out now on all good download sites, Ric Neale’s new EP “Someone Else’s Home” is out in March, more details from www.ricneale.co.uk
